Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Do NOT Google THAT!

I work with some very awesome people, who make the frustrations of the day much fewer and make sure we have plenty of laughs along the way.  In fact, these were the first friends I made here in the U.S and they made the transition that much easier.  (Did I ever thank y'all for that?  If not, THANKS!)

One woman in particular worked very closely with me on my first-ever project and in a wonderful turn of events, we're again working together on a project for the same client (albeit in different roles from 6 years ago).  We're going to call her Cookie, which is my nickname for her from a long ago conversation on stripper names (!), and it's extremely apropos in this conversation.  Cookie works from her home office in another state.

There are several project activities for which I'm responsible, that require me to have information such as owner/landlord's name, the location's tax/parcel number, and a street address.  Which can be problematic when you're working on a parcel that hasn't been assigned a street address by the jurisdiction.

The following is excerpted from a Skype conversation between Cookie and myself, in which we attempt to find the street address.  I've added some additional dialogue in a different color in the text.  Names are changed to protect the not so innocent.

**Warning...subject matter and language may not be safe for work unless you work someplace cool...**

Me:  Yo Cookie.  You there?

Cookie:  Yes.

Me: [Site name] Another address issue. Don't be mad.

Cookie:  LOL  I don't know the address yet, it's a new site.

Me: Right, so am I using the Third Addition, Blk 36 thingy (*yes that's the technical term*), or just put as pending?

Cookie:  Do they want the "closest address"?

Me: I don't know what they want, other than my tracker updated.

Cookie:  LOL  Who's asking?

Me: [Client department, name and job title]  I have no direct relationship with them and [Client project manager] says he wants all contact through him.

Cookie:  Ok, does [Client PM] remember that this is a new site and that we have no actual address yet?  I'm just asking because sometimes he forgets.  I will get him closest address.

Me: Are we re-submitting the candidate documents?  (This will sometimes confirm the address, or at least buy us some time.)

Cookie: Ummmmmm no.  They just moved it to a different lot.  This is difficult.

Me: Dang.  Okay.  How about I use [old address #1] and just note that it will change?

Cookie:  Oh yes, if you have the parcel address, perfect.  Parcel 18?

Me: No.  I have [parcel #] (A really long ass number higher than "18")

Cookie:  No.  I'll get you a new one.

Me: Okay.

Cookie: address on file for the parcel

Me:  Of course.  I'll just put no address assigned.  If they want something more later we can go into detail.

Cookie:  Wait, there is a strip club next door.  Let me try that address.

Me:  I'm not putting that in my tracker.

Cookie:  OMG.  It comes up with 8008135

Me: Are you seriously putting strip club in a Google search?  OMG

Cookie:  (that is BOOBIES in #)  tee hee

Me: Yes, I know.  You're so 12.

Cookie:  I totally am.  But so are you.  ;)  Well, you may be 13...a little more mature.

At this point I should point out that I stepped away to my co-worker to get him to Skype "8008135" to Cookie using his Skype account.

CADMonkey: (finger)  (This is an emoticon of a smiley face flipping the bird.)

CADMonkey: 8008135

Cookie:  ROFL  How is it that you "know" what it types?  hahahaha  Now if I"m reading this correctly, you are saying "fuck boobies"...that is a little raunchy for even me.  Geez.

CADMonkey: haha 

Cookie:  So do you know the address of the strip club?  Or do we need to talk to [other co-workers]?

CADMonkey: [Co-worker] took some pics of the sign.

Cookie: We need 'em.  Does it say 100 men for each woman, we have them all here...come on in?

CADMonkey: Nope.  Just a neon sign of a naked cowgirl.  Trying to find it, I'll send.

Me:  I am mature.  Which is why I told CADMonkey to Skype you.  But not with the finger.  He did that on his own.

Cookie:  So still trying to find you the closest address.  (Some back and forth on the site particulars.)

Cookie:  Ummmm OMG.  So I found the name of the club.  Typed it in on Google.  And ended up at some porn site.  OMG  Can't they just give me the address?

Me:  I so told you not to do that.  You are killing me here.

Cookie:  And the address is on Hyder street.  Hide her.  Get it?  HAHAHAHAH I am 12!

Me:  hahaha, CADMonkey's laughing at you too.

Cookie: Thank god my kids weren't behind me.  Seriously.

Me: Well yeah.  Spiffy parenting, that.  I TOLD you not to go there.  There are just some things you DON'T Google.  EVER.

Cookie:  Now my daughter wants to know why I was looking up strip clubs.

Me: I don't doubt it, she's your child.

Cookie:  She won't believe anything I tell her.

Between us we manage to convince her daughter that this is a legitimate business activity.  She says she believes us.  I love kids.  ;)

Cookie: Well, anyway.  The address is on Hyder but it won't be the way we enter. From behind.  ROFL  Get it?

Me: OMG I had just gotten myself under control again.

Cookie: I just made myself laugh so hard she came running to read.  I wouldn't let her.

Me: I guess not!

We finish sorting out the address and Cookie re-iterates that I should make sure the client understands it's temporary.  Because....

Cookie:  Because he will forget.  And then I will have to explain why my daughter had to find me looking at porn.  During the mid-day.

Me:  LOL

Cookie:  xxxx is the strip club address.  WHOOOO HOOOOO  Oh nevermind, again that is Hyder.

Me:  You are nuts.  You know you're not AT the strip club, right?

Moral of this story:  Don't Google strip clubs while at work.

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