Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Week in Review

Well, well fancy seeing all of you masochists fine folks here.  It's a summer heat wave here in the Pacific Northwest, which basically means I'm sitting in the hottest room of the house since it gets the best internet connection.  My ultra geek husband recently told me about these new super cool new light bulbs that actually have wi-fi in them.  So they not only light up your house, but act as a booster/extender signal.  Conceivably this means I wouldn't actually have to sit in the pit of Hades just to write y'all a blog entry.  At some point.  In the future.

I'm not a geek.
Which is not today.  So as a testament to my utter stupidity love for you all I thought I'd recap a few of the week's highlights.  This time in numerically ascending order because screw you David Letterman!  (No, not really.  I like him and all but, well, no.)

1.  I killed a dragon!  Okay...I helped kill it. was a dragon built out of wood and canvas. actually helped us kill it by damaging itself. was a pretend dragon in a game.  (The fact that this is listed as a highlight of the week probably says something about me, but darned if I know what it is.)  Oh, and here's a map picture of the place where the dragon lived before we killed it. 

I have to explain too, we have a person playing this tabletop game with us via Skype.  Because the group is not only "geek", but "technical geek", we had a craft lamp attached to the chair behind the laptop to be able to attach the webcam to sit above the table map.  It was pure genius and I realize by just explaining this I'm losing any non-geek cred I might have.

2.  I figured out how to get photos off my phone!  As evidenced by my admission of technological prowess, just the fact that I can use a phone is reason to call someone important and report it.  I don't know who but I'm sure one of my smartass readers will let me know.

They remind me of candy.
Anyway, I mentioned in this blog post that I'd gone to a beading class and made a pretty.  And now you can all see it too!  You can also see the injury on my wrist referenced in the same blog post above, where I fell while fighting the Ivy.  Sometimes the symmetry of life is just astounding.

3.  I'm not sure what #3 was going to be, really, but I distracted myself with the comment about the light bulb above and a funny that happened when I'd first moved here to the U.S. and got married.  As some of you may recall, I was very very (VERY) stressed out and homesick, and everything here was weird.  I'm not a stupid person by any means, but I don't always put the pieces together in what some would term "logical".  

Hubby had bought me a bedside lamp and a couple months afterward, the light bulb went. We'd had a couple of things break that had needed to be replaced, so my comment was that we'd have to replace the lamp.  He looked at me amused with that little "Oh honey." smile and suggested we could just replace the bulb first and see if that took care of things.  Now when anything in the house breaks, we discuss if it's just that it might need a new bulb.  

For reference, that's a mini-fridge
and a standard-sized chair.
4.  Due to heat, we purchased a fan today.  Actually I described it wrong.  We purchased a big ass fan today.   On low, it sounds like a jet engine and I'm pretty sure given the chance it would eat one of our pets.  Fortunately it runs on electricity and not animal sacrifice, so we should be okay there, at least for a little while (reminder to self, pay the utility bill tomorrow because you love your pets).  

Note that the box it came in (in the back of the photo) was populated by a cat for most of the afternoon.  I love multi-purpose purchases.

So we will likely be deaf, but at least we'll be cool.  

5.  We had a potluck at work and my coworker signed up for "strawberry salad".  I thought this was going to be like a spinach salad with strawberries in it.  She said no, jello.  I then pictured a jellied fruit salad.  But NO!  It was the most amazing delicious food and in all my years I'd NEVER HEARD of it.  You take cottage cheese, add a dry jello mix and a tub of cool whip.  And fruit as you want.  Put it in the fridge, let it set a bit.  I made a black cherry one and we had it with dinner because it was nice and cool.  With the weather forecast I'm considering a vat of this.  Possibly to lie in.

And with that, I'm going to get this laptop off my lap and treat the 2nd degree burns to my legs.  ;)

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


This morning, during my normal rush to get out the door with limited time because I am increasingly unable to get my butt out of bed, I accidentally knocked a hair clip into the bathroom sink.  Unfortunately, since there's no plug or stopper in said sink, it started making its way down the pipe.  

Mr. Eggshells was nearby so he ran and got one of those tool things that boys always know the names of and I never get right anyway even when I try to name them so don't even bother now.  In almost retrieving it, it then dropped and fell further down into the pipe.

We decided to head to work and deal with it tonight.  The funny thing about "deal with it later" is that later always comes.  I mentioned to Mr. that I really didn't like it when things I did, even by accident, meant more work for him so he told me that when it came time to retrieve the clip, I would have an active role so I could learn.

Anyone who has met me, or read more than one or two blog posts here, has probably surmised - and correctly - that I'm a bit accident prone.  The fact that Mr. Eggshells even entertains the notion of me helping with anything beyond sitting in a chair is a testament to his overwhelming yet charming naivete faith in and love for me.  

I'm on the floor of the bathroom, loosening the plastic pipe (and yes, I did have to ask if it was a lefty loosey/righty tighty scenario), and doing rather well.  With the first clamp spot.  The second was a little hard to budge, but Mr. Eggshells got it started and I finished up.  As I'm asking if the pipe just pulls out once loosened, I am actually pulling the pipe out.  

Now the pipe is full of water.  A little had dribbled out as I was removing the plastic, and so I asked Mr. if I just needed to dump it out.  At his positive response, I did so.  Right into the sink above me.  

I replaced the pipe and got out of my wet clothes.  But since I was successful, now I'm a plumber, right? 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Updating the Blank Title After Publishing The Blog...Because Classy is How I Roll.

Before you carry on reading, I wanted to remind y'all that if you like to keep up on this blog, you can sign up for email alerts when a new post is up.  That's what I've done and it's SO helpful for me to know when I've posted something new!  Plus, when the email comes in, my phone makes this whistling alert sound and Mr. Eggshells answers it with the Old Spice jingle.  It makes me want to sign up for all the things.  All.the.things.

My news for this week is...

I am wiped out.  I'm not sure when exactly it happened but I think I ran out of both mental and physical energy on the same day earlier this week and I've been coasting on fumes ever since.  I decided I should go back and figure out where this might have happened.

Work as usual, busy day of...whatever it is I do.  Honestly I've never had a job where ADD was a requirement and I've learned the hard way to finish a task and remove it completely from my brain lest I start bringing this stuff home with me.

Wait, I just remembered I went on a site walk to a water tower.  I'd never seen one up close so that was fun.  Lots of walking and we got lost, but I swear it wasn't my fault, even though I was navigating and the guy driving is a liar, I'm pretty sure of it.

Monday evening was work around the yard.  Since Monday is garbage day, we like to make sure we're the first of our neighbors to refill the gigantic bin.  Since ours is quality garbage*, it lines the bottom of the bin and makes a nice buffering bed for their crap garbage.   Yard work included the Damn Ivy which I have now made a proper noun because in many parts of the yard it's as large as a linebacker.  (And I know what that means now because I watch football.)

*I know someone's going to ask: it's quality garbage because it's ours.  Duh.  :P

Mr. Eggshells and I were working steadily as the rain started, which is really not a big deal - if life stopped here in the Pacific NW because of a little rain, we'd never get anything done.  When it started thundering we decided maybe we didn't want to swede the rainy golf scene from Caddyshack, and I had one last gigantic rope of Damn Ivy I wanted to remove.  But it was stuck, and stuck good.  Have I mentioned Damn Ivy is almost as stubborn as me?  I gave it 3, 4, 5 good pulls and then my stubborn had kicked up a notch, because I was definitely going to win this one.  Except that when I gave it one last mighty attempt and it broke free...I wasn't prepared.  Down I went, fortunately on my well-padded posterior (I knew there was a good reason for keeping that...).  Happily I missed implanting any body parts on the re-bar that was on the ground nearby.  I was graciously allowed to warm a chair for the rest of the evening and not get into anymore trouble, while Mr. attempted to recover from the near heart attack I'd given him.

You'd think that would have been enough, but there was still a whole week to get through.  First thing Tuesday morning I had a client meeting at their office, so I drove myself to work.  That was the first change to my morning routine.  The second was discovering rather unfortunately that my flash drive with my half-written, decidedly non-work-related novel had fallen off my key ring sometime last week and had been floating around the office.  No one had looked in the flash drive until that morning though, so at least there were only  a couple of us to witness that dramatic and unwelcome intersecting of my personal life and work.  Happily, I work with respectful people who understand boundaries, but even though things were fine, I was feeling a little off-kilter.  Which is exactly what you want when you're an introvert in a new client situation.  Trust me, you really really do (shakes my head while I say this).  In the end, I think things went fine, and I'm sure it was a growth opportunity.  Or something.  I'm calling it a win, and now my flash drive has a pretty label with my name on it.

Chester, 98% of the time when I'm on the laptop.
I got nothing.  Seriously, nothing.  Did we even have a Wednesday this past week?

I worked from home.  Which meant mostly that I perfected typing on a laptop with a cat in my lap.  Kind of like I'm doing now.  *stares at the cat passed out on my leg*  At least he's warm.

In between work activities I broke and repaired our paper shredder.  Because I'm just that good.

The thing I recall most about that day was borrowing Despicable Me from my boss.  If you haven't seen it, frankly you're missing out.  And probably more of a loser than I am for not having seen it yet.  Very cute.

I also came to the realization, not for the first time, that managing my work email is a full time job for one person and I already have a full time job doing the actual work.  

Bead class!  As soon as I figure out how to send myself an email from my phone (shut up, I've only had it 2 months), I'll post a pic of my pretty necklace.  I also learned that I still suck at bending wire for earrings but that my darling bestie who took the class with me is aces at it so I can delegate.  Erm, I mean partner.  

After bead class it was dinner and Munchkin.  I didn't win, but I did have the best accidental frosting on the arm incident.  That's at least something.  Plus I got to play dinosaur finger puppets with an almost-3 year old.  Definitely winning. 

It's like I just did this all a week ago.  Groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning.  Okay well a couple of those anyway.  I did cook today.  If there are no more posts, it's because I've finally managed to accidentally kill us.  (I keep telling people there's a very good reason Mr. Eggshells does the cooking.  Because I'm smart enough to have married a guy who knew how.  ;)  )

Looking back through this list, I'm going to go with Wednesday for the day I broke.  Since I can't remember it, it's obvious that something of cataclysmic proportions happened.

And with that, enjoy your week, y'all.  :)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Chaos Theory, or How We Store Important Things

For those of you who haven't seen my house, I am not a stellar housekeeper. I, quite legitimately mind you, have "pack rat" tendencies.  Both of my parents were masters of keeping a lot of things, and not particularly well-organized.  Now, we're not talking the level of the show "Hoarders", but surfaces are rarely empty and there are always neat treasures ferreted away in nooks and crannies.

My preferred organizational style is "piles and stacks", which to the uneducated merely look like random piles of clutter.  But no!  They are actually a valid way to keep straight various levels of... Work.  Writing.  Bills.  Mail from 2009-2011.  You know, the usual.

A couple of things have conspired to attempt to break me over the years with these collector's tendencies.  One, is that my dearest husband also has pack rat tendencies of similarly epic proportions, and two, that when you lose loved ones, there is also a time period before some things can be gone through without extreme emotional angst, so in some cases there are also boxes of things that are around waiting for review and decision-making.

Add to all this home renovations where groups of objects have been moved from room to room over the course of several years, and a decided lack of interest in managing that...well let's just say we won't be having folks over for dinner anytime soon.

Our saving grace to this very decidedly impressive lifestyle choice is that we keep important papers in a fire safe, and we make sure that when important papers have left said fire safe, they go back in.  I have documents from my native land that I'll need at retirement age, there are documents from immigrating here, and most importantly for traveling, passports.

Upon recently deciding we needed to take a trip north to see my family, we recalled that we needed to make sure our passports were up to date.  We'd gone to check on them in the fire safe a few weeks' back, but had some issues with the lock.  (read: unable to blast it open with dynamite.  A fire safe that you can't get into even yourself might be a little *too* secure.)  Now the need for passports was a little more urgent, and so Mr. Eggshells determined it was time to make a serious attempt to open the safe.

I'll spare my gentle readers the majority of the dialogue that occurred as he tackled the lock.  Needless to say there was a screwdriver, a key, the use of force and gravity, and possibly a blood sacrifice.  There were also words that I would probably repeat in certain company (okay, probably in most company because screw it if y'all haven't figured me out by now) but don't know how to spell so I'll spare you those.

Successfully opening the fire safe was both good and bad.  Good in the fact that we could now access such absolutely important papers from years ago that can now be shredded (!), and bad because the safe did not yield the passports.  I'd say we were stymied, but that's not the overriding emotion.  Unbridled panic was quite firmly at the top of the list as we looked blankly at each other and then tried to figure out the last time we'd used the passports so we could figure out where we might have put them.

And then came what I can only describe as the rabid ripping apart the house to figure out which suitcase/bag/carry on/sail bag they'd been left in.  Partway through the second closet we tackled, it dawned on me that we weren't looking for two passports, but a leather folio where we'd put the passports and other travel documents.  I was still going through bag #725 (note to self:  disproportionate amount of travel gear for the amount you travel), when Mr. Eggshells bolted from the room and came back hollering "How much do you love me?"

Replying with my standard answer of "7" (which I incidentally stole from him, lest my dear readers think I'm weird or something), he then appeared in the bedroom doorway holding the leather folio.  Both of us nearly collapsed in relief, not only because replacing three passports (two US and one Canadian) would be a gigantic pain in the you-know-what (okay I'll say it...ASS), but we may not have been able to do it in the time frame we'd need to.

Just where were the passports you might ask?  Safely stored where one would put such important documents.  In an old bag on the stairs leading into the garage.  For two or three years.

From now on I'm sewing* name tags into our undies, and stapling important documents to Mr. Eggshell's chest.  I never lose that.

*I can so sew, even if it is just so-so.  ;)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Wittiest Blog Title You've Ever Seen

So.  A funny thing happened on the way to this blog post.  I had yet another epiphany.  (Of course when you forget things as often as I do, epiphanies are just what normal people call "consciousness".)

Anyway, I've had the realization that part of the reason I have trouble keeping track of things like blog post topics is because I'm not multitasking enough.

For those of you that know me in "real" life, you'll know that was I just said will strike fear into the heart of those closest to me.  Because, my mind already goes 3,000 miles an hour (that's 1,652 hectares* for my Canadian readers), makes lists faster than ENIAC (look it up), and since I work in the field of project management, am already obnoxious with letting those habits spill over into pretty much every aspect of life.  

*This is mocking an homage to Mr. Eggshells.  He's way better at metric conversion than I am.

But I digress.  (I just spent a few minutes looking up ENIAC to make sure I had the right acronym, which I just spelled with the wrong "write" instead of "right" and had to go back and fix.   See, I'm still digressing.)  On my drive home tonight, I realized that while I was driving , listening to music, and figuring out what was going on at home this evening, I also wrote an entire blog post in my head.

And it was freaking awesome.  Riveting dialogue, fascinating characterization, seriously, much better than this tripe you're slogging through now.  Of course as soon as the car was in the driveway, it was gone.  But for a brief and shining moment my head was alive (with the sound of music), with the burgeoning masterpiece that is not this post.

It gives me hope though, that somewhere in my head, it's still lurking, like the glittery dust squirrels under the sofa.

Now, without further ado, the recentest list of things I learned!

In descending order because countdowns make me feel like David Letterman back when he was semi-relevant.  Yes, I'm that old.  

5.  Family seriously needs to stop reminding me how old my nieces and nephews are.  Telling me they're over 30 or graduating high's bad for my complexion.  (By the way, congrats to the family on these achievements!  :) )  However, forever you will be 6, maybe 7.  Thank you, that is all.

What I learned:  a state of denial will work with anything, if applied liberally and with abandon.  

4.  Usually I carpool with Mr. Eggshells to work - he drives.  I have a co-worker who likes to play with hair, so she usually does something to mine on one of our breaks.  This week, I had to drive myself to work twice and also had to do my own hair twice as well.  I declared resource fail and have taken steps to ensure this does not happen again.  

What I learned:  yes, I am a princess (this is probably more of a reminder than a true learning)

3.  While Mr. Eggshells was busy not driving me to work, he was working industriously around the house, including finishing projects that I'd started but hadn't been able to quite complete.  (Although some of that might have had to do with my plan to jerry-rig a step-stool in a bathtub to be able to paint the hard to reach parts of the wall.  I thought it was a good idea.  Everyone I've mentioned it to just looks at me blankly then nods slowly and backs away.)  

What I learned:  the definition of "good idea" varies by user and context.  Contents may settle during transit.

2.  I was going to write a post this past weekend but instead I spent 45 minutes ripping ivy out of the yard.  And then I spent all day sitting in a chair in excruciating pain, so moving my fingers/hands/arms to type was pretty much out of the question.  Plus, I couldn't breathe or see.  

What I learned:  that when I think I'm still good to go I'm likely not.  And that Mr. Eggshells will think he's right because he's been telling me that for years. But we won't tell'll be our little secret.

1.  I don't realize the level of geek that I'm am submerged in, until I try to explain something of my weekend to my co-workers.  Saying things like "bag of holding", "blueprints to a mechanized dragon", and "did you know kobolds speak draconian?", while super-awesome for my geek-cred, are really not de rigeur in the wireless industry.  

What I learned:  the wireless industry would be a lot more interesting, not to mention challenging, if we had to deal with dragons and kobolds.  Just sayin'.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

This Week's Revelations

I've made some new friends on Facebook which means that it's very possible some of them (you) may pop in to check out my blog.  Ta-da!  Here it is.  *pets it*  

A couple of things for new blog readers to know about me and this blog.  There's reading involved.  I know, I know, but honestly in a text-based medium, what were you expecting, cartoons?  True, sometimes I put pictures in my blog, but they're certainly not my art.  Except that time when I posted pictures of my art.  

The other thing to know is that while I started it as a means to keep up my writing on a regular basis, it's really become just one more thing I procrastinate about.  But it does have the added side effect of promoting great greasy gobs of guilt.  Bet you thought I was gonna say gopher guts, but really, that's kind of gross.

(Wow I don't think I've typed that many letter 'g' words in a paragraph in like, ever.  How about a contest?  First person to count how many words that start with g are in that paragraph and posts in the comments below wins the honor of being the first person to post about it!)

Oh!  A third thing to note, that I talk about anything and everything, so if the subject matter (of anything and everything) offends you, then you're probably in the wrong place.  Although if you got here through being my friend on my Facebook page, you're probably a raving lunatic anyway (said with love, really).

I've thought that maybe I should do a 'cast of characters' for the people that keep popping up regularly in my blog, but that's too much like work.  So stop being so lazy and go read through the archives.  Sheesh, do I have to do everything for you? 

It was about a week ago that I declared that I should do a weekly list of things I learned or that had an impact on my life.  Because if you stop learning you die, or you get stupid and since I'm already losing brain cells due to aging and alcohol, it's really in my best interests to keep gaining knowledge.

In retrospect (read: now that I'm sober), I still like the concept, but am not sure I'm going to manage five things each week.  It's not that I don't think I can learn or be impacted that much, I think it's mostly that I'm not going to remember five things.  Because I'm over 40 a victim of short term memory theft.  I don't know how the thieves keep getting in, but they do.  Sneaky britches!

Let's start with the most recent and the reason I keep referring to alcohol.

1.  I have a Bailey's milkshake.  Yes, folks, for the 2nd time in 8 days I'm having an alcohol drink.  Obviously I'm well on the way to rehab at this rate (move over Bynes and Lohan, it's my 15 minutes).

But the Bailey's milkshake is a something special...because my honey, Mr. Eggshells made it.  And he makes gooooood Bailey's milkshakes.  Mostly because he adds extra alcohol besides the Bailey's, specifically cassis liqueur.  I like typing that because it's French and makes me feel smart (and there are an abundance of the letter 'u' there and y'all know how I like my missing u's).  

Cassis is black current.  As I was wandering the interwebs looking for a picture to share of the brand we have, I came across this blog post and decided that it may be the next best way to use cassis liqueur.   Since there's no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks I'm going to all the trouble of making that, I hereby nominate one of you to make it for me.  Let me know when it's done.  

2.  Boobies are awesome.  Okay that wasn't exactly something that I learned just this week, but I did read this excellent article on them a couple of days ago.  BEFORE you click that link, you need to know that there are no pictures of naked boobies on that page.   I know, but you can't have everything, that's why God created porn sites*.  This article will also provide justification for going bra-less, so you need to decide carefully who you want to share it with and how much you want to opt-in or argue it.  (I'm writing this blog post naked so it's obvious Mr. Eggshells got his way on that discussion.)

*3. Before y'all get all freaking outraged by that comment, it's true!  Christian porn is apparently a real thing.  This site kinda really completely scares me.  A lot.  Of course not as much as the concept of Christian sex toys, which "they" say is merely the regular sex toys but with no pictures of nudity so Christians can shop online in comfort.   I really don't know what to say about that at all, but I'm thinking of ways to make it a blog post all its own. 

4.  I've become marginally addicted to TED talk.  It's kind of like mini-forays into other worlds.  I know I'm probably also about 10?  maybe 20? years behind the times on this one.   But that's okay there's probably a TED talk that explains why I was behind on it.  At my current rate of TED video consumption I'm sure I'll find it.  Soon.

5.  This completely made me laugh, because as only one of two humanoids in my seven-creature household, this happens on a regular basis.  Plus the guy's voice is awesome.  


Sad Cat Diary

And really, that's all there is to say.