Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Wittiest Blog Title You've Ever Seen

So.  A funny thing happened on the way to this blog post.  I had yet another epiphany.  (Of course when you forget things as often as I do, epiphanies are just what normal people call "consciousness".)

Anyway, I've had the realization that part of the reason I have trouble keeping track of things like blog post topics is because I'm not multitasking enough.

For those of you that know me in "real" life, you'll know that was I just said will strike fear into the heart of those closest to me.  Because, my mind already goes 3,000 miles an hour (that's 1,652 hectares* for my Canadian readers), makes lists faster than ENIAC (look it up), and since I work in the field of project management, am already obnoxious with letting those habits spill over into pretty much every aspect of life.  

*This is mocking an homage to Mr. Eggshells.  He's way better at metric conversion than I am.

But I digress.  (I just spent a few minutes looking up ENIAC to make sure I had the right acronym, which I just spelled with the wrong "write" instead of "right" and had to go back and fix.   See, I'm still digressing.)  On my drive home tonight, I realized that while I was driving , listening to music, and figuring out what was going on at home this evening, I also wrote an entire blog post in my head.

And it was freaking awesome.  Riveting dialogue, fascinating characterization, seriously, much better than this tripe you're slogging through now.  Of course as soon as the car was in the driveway, it was gone.  But for a brief and shining moment my head was alive (with the sound of music), with the burgeoning masterpiece that is not this post.

It gives me hope though, that somewhere in my head, it's still lurking, like the glittery dust squirrels under the sofa.

Now, without further ado, the recentest list of things I learned!

In descending order because countdowns make me feel like David Letterman back when he was semi-relevant.  Yes, I'm that old.  

5.  Family seriously needs to stop reminding me how old my nieces and nephews are.  Telling me they're over 30 or graduating high's bad for my complexion.  (By the way, congrats to the family on these achievements!  :) )  However, forever you will be 6, maybe 7.  Thank you, that is all.

What I learned:  a state of denial will work with anything, if applied liberally and with abandon.  

4.  Usually I carpool with Mr. Eggshells to work - he drives.  I have a co-worker who likes to play with hair, so she usually does something to mine on one of our breaks.  This week, I had to drive myself to work twice and also had to do my own hair twice as well.  I declared resource fail and have taken steps to ensure this does not happen again.  

What I learned:  yes, I am a princess (this is probably more of a reminder than a true learning)

3.  While Mr. Eggshells was busy not driving me to work, he was working industriously around the house, including finishing projects that I'd started but hadn't been able to quite complete.  (Although some of that might have had to do with my plan to jerry-rig a step-stool in a bathtub to be able to paint the hard to reach parts of the wall.  I thought it was a good idea.  Everyone I've mentioned it to just looks at me blankly then nods slowly and backs away.)  

What I learned:  the definition of "good idea" varies by user and context.  Contents may settle during transit.

2.  I was going to write a post this past weekend but instead I spent 45 minutes ripping ivy out of the yard.  And then I spent all day sitting in a chair in excruciating pain, so moving my fingers/hands/arms to type was pretty much out of the question.  Plus, I couldn't breathe or see.  

What I learned:  that when I think I'm still good to go I'm likely not.  And that Mr. Eggshells will think he's right because he's been telling me that for years. But we won't tell'll be our little secret.

1.  I don't realize the level of geek that I'm am submerged in, until I try to explain something of my weekend to my co-workers.  Saying things like "bag of holding", "blueprints to a mechanized dragon", and "did you know kobolds speak draconian?", while super-awesome for my geek-cred, are really not de rigeur in the wireless industry.  

What I learned:  the wireless industry would be a lot more interesting, not to mention challenging, if we had to deal with dragons and kobolds.  Just sayin'.


  1. I thought you had been precluded from ever being able to use the phrase, "But I digress." If you're breathing, that's just a given. It's part of your whole multi-tasking, quirky charm. You've mastered not only the style of stream of consciousness writing, but also evolved it into a personal life-style. Very impressive! (Although I will repeat that for the sake of those struggling to keep up... hand signals or turn indicators would be helpful! ;) )

    I'm curious... (Yes, that's one of MY failings. Deal.) You say you'd created an entire blog-post, mentally, on your way home, (complete with music) but when you stopped, it disappeared. Do you remember the playlist? Do you think that replaying it might bring the blog post back? (Not that this one isn't superlative; I'm just questioning memory-mechanics.) What about getting back in the car and driving a bit? Would that do it? Or is it more in the order of dreams, and no matter how hard you try you can never quite remember the whole sequence of events?

    I'm glad you were prevented from using the step-stool in the bathtub approach. I learned that painful lesson about placing support devices on non-sturdy surfaces myself. (It involved a stepladder and a hamper, and an attic opening. We still don't speak of it.)

    I'm still on the waiting list for the first affordable bag or ring of holding. I have fond dreams of finally being able to fit everything I want to keep into my meager storage space.

    Excellent post, as always! <3

  2. None of the phrases on the banned list ever stay there. I did find it amusing that you mentioned stream of consciousness when I have gone to great pains to point out that I'm not conscious most of the time. ;)

    You're allowed to be curious! I love that about you! I actually had the idea of going out and sitting in the car in the driveway and trying to re-create the post. I haven't done it yet and I fear that the longer I wait, the less retrievable it will be. I mean, I forget I have a blog half the time anyway. ;)

    I agree to not speak of the stepladder and hamper incident, but you do need to know that in my mind I have replaced "hamper" with "hamster" and the ensuing story is HILARIOUS. One day I'll jot it down. In the driveway. While sitting in the car. ;)