Well.

I have admittedly not done such a great job of maintaining my commitment to regular updates on this blog.   However, I'm taking heart in the fact that it at least hasn't been five years since my last post.

I'm not even sure of the impetus for this post tonight.  I feel weary.  Beyond weary, if I'm being honest and really, why wouldn't I be here?  Here in the safe space I've created (and then shared publicly...oh goddess what am I doing?).   No, it will be fine.  It will all be fine.  Eventually.

I feel constantly moving, incessantly managing, increasingly falling, and creatively stalling.

The world bewilders and confounds, with every day bringing more inputs to process, more knowledge to uncover, more perceptions to hone.   I once described it as an overwhelming cacophony, being thrust into a world at once alien and mysterious.  Too many voices, too many choices.

I know I'm privileged, and yes I'm using that word deliberately.  There are so many out there who don't get the option to say no, or the opportunity to hide from the day to day barrage.   Who don't have a voice, particularly now in this hostile culture.

Were that I could summon my faculties to support with grace, with wisdom, and with the love I feel in my heart.

To have to admit that I can't, at least not right now.  To fall back on that privilege, safe in the knowledge that I can do so, regretting that I need to.

And pouring out my heart to the masses (there may actually still be a couple of you out there).  A litany in my head of the kind admonishions, delivered by dear friends and loving family to treat myself with the care I would show to others.

My next post (hopefully before too long) may be more humorous, or it may not.  I hope you come back either way.