Belief

I've been thinking about belief lately, particularly with respect to the definition "a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing."  Other definitions discuss the trust placed after examination of evidence.


While trust relationships could be the subject of several posts, what I'm thinking about more is what happens when we actively show trust in people around us.  Trusting others with our feelings, our possessions, our esteem, even our physical well-being can be a really scary thing...since the very act of trust makes us vulnerable.  Even the word confidence implies a level of intimacy and care that should be implicit.  Which makes sense, when you consider that usually trust grows the longer we know someone.  Even when the trust is shaken or damaged, it's the previous experience that allows for even the possibility of rebuilding.


When I think back on my life experiences and how I got "here" from "there", I'm always amazed.  How much of what I've been able to endure, and how much of what I've been able to accomplish has been because someone believed in me?  From my family, to teachers, to friends, to my romantic relationships, to co-workers...the list goes on and on.  From the simple words casually said "you can do it" - to the unspoken lessons that reinforced to me my value as a person in others' eyes, my core personality has been bolstered, padded and fabric'd with my worth to others'.  (Yes, I'm a sofa!  LOL)


Which is not to say that I haven't had relationships or experiences that weren't devaluating...there were some of those too.  For the most part I've tried to remove those sorts of influences from my life, but that's not necessarily a choice that everyone can facilitate.  And I have to say that the overwhelmingly positive experiences where in the majority when it came to framing my interactions with the world at large.


It's truly heartbreaking when I think of all those people out there who have never been told and never been shown they have value.  How much individual potential is wasted because there is no belief or trust shown?   


Based on recent work experience, it can be a lot.  Obviously details are not appropriate, but as I'm attempting to work within a team where there is little to no trust given or received, it's damaging to the end result and makes the journey to it a whole heck of a lot of not fun.


So maybe it's the hippie in me, or maybe it's just my inclusive nature, but shouldn't we all be cheering each other on? 


By the way, my friends, I believe in all of you, and truly value your presence in my life.  :)

Old Friendships Are New Again

I've been pondering relationships in general and friendships in particular the last while.

I'm not sure if this is because over the last few months I've been reconnecting with people who were important to me during my wayward (!) youth, or if I'm approaching some sort of mid-life crisis.  However, since I refuse to believe I'm anywhere close to mid-life (denial RULES), I'm going to go with the reconnecting.

Without delving into my history too much, many of the ties I had 20+ years ago have basically been severed.  Parents deceased, sister estranged, other family a distance away after moving, school friends drifted.   I know that's relatively normal (we all know how time flies and other such handy catch-phrases), and the friends I've made over the last few years have been amazing and wonderful (yes, I do mean YOU!).  I've been adopted into my husband's family, and by several other families I've met as well.  Since it boils down to choices I've made that created my current reality, I didn't particularly think I was missing anything...truly, I'm the happiest I've been in memory.  Although to be fair, since I'm over 40, that really isn't saying much...most days memory consists of trying to make sure I'm wearing pants when I leave the house.

Until I reconnected.  I didn't even realize there had been something missing until it was filled.  Bonds that had been created when we were all at very impressionable ages, the ones that help shape how we relate to each other and the world around us.  Those people are cemented with those experiences just as surely as I lived through them.  People I was close to, who know *that* me - the me that is the basis for who I have become.  The me that wasn't touched by the experiences of my 20's or my 30's.    

Okay maybe I'm the only one with a split personality.  ;)

But the point I'm making is that these people come in and out of my life and they bring me myself again.  They remind me of who I started as, and still am really, deep down, when I forget.  They remind me of the dreams, the plans, and the "what-ifs".  They're the "comfortable pair of shoes" (sooo stolen) that slip on and the years melt away as if they were nothing.  (Oh yes, given the chance, I'd so put my feet on you!!!  BWAHAHA!  But you love the Pammie germs, you know you do!)

And I feel the gap disappear.  It's not that I don't like myself now.  It's not that I'm unhappy.  It's just that the small empty part of me gets filled.  I hope that in return I complete some little part of them, or in some way make things a little brighter than they were.  It's the least I can do for the blessing they continually give me.

Because I truly think it's important to know that you have meaning.  That even after so many years, and so much distance, we're all still here.  Ourselves.