Do NOT Google THAT!

I work with some very awesome people, who make the frustrations of the day much fewer and make sure we have plenty of laughs along the way.  In fact, these were the first friends I made here in the U.S and they made the transition that much easier.  (Did I ever thank y'all for that?  If not, THANKS!)


One woman in particular worked very closely with me on my first-ever project and in a wonderful turn of events, we're again working together on a project for the same client (albeit in different roles from 6 years ago).  We're going to call her Cookie, which is my nickname for her from a long ago conversation on stripper names (!), and it's extremely apropos in this conversation.  Cookie works from her home office in another state.


There are several project activities for which I'm responsible, that require me to have information such as owner/landlord's name, the location's tax/parcel number, and a street address.  Which can be problematic when you're working on a parcel that hasn't been assigned a street address by the jurisdiction.


The following is excerpted from a Skype conversation between Cookie and myself, in which we attempt to find the street address.  I've added some additional dialogue in a different color in the text.  Names are changed to protect the not so innocent.


**Warning...subject matter and language may not be safe for work unless you work someplace cool...**


Me:  Yo Cookie.  You there?


Cookie:  Yes.


Me: [Site name] Another address issue. Don't be mad.


Cookie:  LOL  I don't know the address yet, it's a new site.


Me: Right, so am I using the Third Addition, Blk 36 thingy (*yes that's the technical term*), or just put as pending?


Cookie:  Do they want the "closest address"?


Me: I don't know what they want, other than my tracker updated.


Cookie:  LOL  Who's asking?


Me: [Client department, name and job title]  I have no direct relationship with them and [Client project manager] says he wants all contact through him.


Cookie:  Ok, does [Client PM] remember that this is a new site and that we have no actual address yet?  I'm just asking because sometimes he forgets.  I will get him closest address.


Me: Are we re-submitting the candidate documents?  (This will sometimes confirm the address, or at least buy us some time.)


Cookie: Ummmmmm no.  They just moved it to a different lot.  This is difficult.


Me: Dang.  Okay.  How about I use [old address #1] and just note that it will change?


Cookie:  Oh yes, if you have the parcel address, perfect.  Parcel 18?


Me: No.  I have [parcel #] (A really long ass number higher than "18")


Cookie:  No.  I'll get you a new one.


Me: Okay.


Cookie:  hahaha...no address on file for the parcel


Me:  Of course.  I'll just put no address assigned.  If they want something more later we can go into detail.


Cookie:  Wait, there is a strip club next door.  Let me try that address.


Me:  I'm not putting that in my tracker.


Cookie:  OMG.  It comes up with 8008135


Me: Are you seriously putting strip club in a Google search?  OMG


Cookie:  (that is BOOBIES in #)  tee hee


Me: Yes, I know.  You're so 12.


Cookie:  I totally am.  But so are you.  ;)  Well, you may be 13...a little more mature.


At this point I should point out that I stepped away to my co-worker to get him to Skype "8008135" to Cookie using his Skype account.



CADMonkey: (finger)  (This is an emoticon of a smiley face flipping the bird.)

CADMonkey: 8008135

Cookie:  ROFL  How is it that you "know" what it types?  hahahaha  Now if I"m reading this correctly, you are saying "fuck boobies"...that is a little raunchy for even me.  Geez.

CADMonkey: haha 

Cookie:  So do you know the address of the strip club?  Or do we need to talk to [other co-workers]?

CADMonkey: [Co-worker] took some pics of the sign.

Cookie: We need 'em.  Does it say 100 men for each woman, we have them all here...come on in?

CADMonkey: Nope.  Just a neon sign of a naked cowgirl.  Trying to find it, I'll send.

Me:  I am mature.  Which is why I told CADMonkey to Skype you.  But not with the finger.  He did that on his own.


Cookie:  So still trying to find you the closest address.  (Some back and forth on the site particulars.)


Cookie:  Ummmm OMG.  So I found the name of the club.  Typed it in on Google.  And ended up at some porn site.  OMG  Can't they just give me the address?


Me:  I so told you not to do that.  You are killing me here.


Cookie:  And the address is on Hyder street.  Hide her.  Get it?  HAHAHAHAH I am 12!


Me:  hahaha, CADMonkey's laughing at you too.


Cookie: Thank god my kids weren't behind me.  Seriously.


Me: Well yeah.  Spiffy parenting, that.  I TOLD you not to go there.  There are just some things you DON'T Google.  EVER.


Cookie:  Now my daughter wants to know why I was looking up strip clubs.


Me: I don't doubt it, she's your child.


Cookie:  She won't believe anything I tell her.


Between us we manage to convince her daughter that this is a legitimate business activity.  She says she believes us.  I love kids.  ;)


Cookie: Well, anyway.  The address is on Hyder but it won't be the way we enter. From behind.  ROFL  Get it?


Me: OMG I had just gotten myself under control again.


Cookie: I just made myself laugh so hard she came running to read.  I wouldn't let her.


Me: I guess not!


We finish sorting out the address and Cookie re-iterates that I should make sure the client understands it's temporary.  Because....


Cookie:  Because he will forget.  And then I will have to explain why my daughter had to find me looking at porn.  During the mid-day.


Me:  LOL


Cookie:  xxxx is the strip club address.  WHOOOO HOOOOO  Oh nevermind, again that is Hyder.


Me:  You are nuts.  You know you're not AT the strip club, right?




Moral of this story:  Don't Google strip clubs while at work.

Holiday Mail for Heroes

Okay folks, it's that time of year again. Please take a moment to click through to my fellow blogger's post about HOLIDAY MAIL FOR HEROES (troops overseas). The cost of a stamp or two and you can make a service person's holiday season. They do a lot for us, please do this for them.

Holiday mail for Heroes at Housewise

NaNoWriMo

In a chance of fate or, what I choose to believe, the deliberate dragging of my muse by my hair (dang, just noticed I need to dye it again), yesterday I was reminded of the existence of NaNoWriMo.  Which stands for National Novel Writing Month.  With a goal of 50,000 words (standard novel size) the challenge is to write a novel between November 1st and 30th.  

From what I can tell it started in 1999 and I think I knew about it around 2003 or 2004.  But had promptly forgotten about until someone posted their day total yesterday on Facebook.

Within a few minutes I had joined and committed to the challenge.  Or I was committed.  Or should be.  Or something.

Because to reach the word goal, it's about 1700 words a day.  1700.words.a.day.  

There is a forum for writers in my area, and this may end up harvesting some of the writer's group types I'm needing longer-term.  I'm kind of excited to have a goal and one that is relatively attainable.    Since I woke up at 3 am with novel percolating, it seemed only natural to get up and start writing.  So I did.

Did I mention 1700 words a day?  

I'm already exhausted.

1700 words.  That string together to make sense.  What have I done???

I'm currently at just over 3000 words.  Oh.my.god.  I haven't written that much in one stretch in, like, ever.  

Yes, I'm crazy.  But it's a good crazy.

He told me no.

Well the honeymoon's over.  We had a good run, but that's it.


Since pretty much all three of my readers know my husband, they know that he worships the ground I walk on.  While simultaneously plotting devious ways of ascending to the post of ultimate commander of the universe.  Of course, he's very brilliant so plotting doesn't take up much mental capacity, so the balance of his time is spent just fostering a environment of weird.  In which I am also living.


However, the one constant in my universe is that boobies trump all and as a result I don't get told no.  Ever.


Oh, I get asked nicely to wait on some things.  I am involved in discussions where my argument doesn't end up being chosen as the winner.  But the flat-out "no"?  Just doesn't happen.  


Until Wednesday.  When I was unceremoniously told that NO we could not have pancakes for dinner, because he really wanted grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.  


No dialogue.  No pros and cons.  Just no.


I know this is just the beginning.  He'll use no on other occasions I'm sure.  And then where will it end?  No place good, that's for sure.


I'm just going to have to get a boob augment.  Hopefully that will weight things in my favor again (get it?).




ETA:  I did get pancakes the next day.  So he's not a total monster.  But really!  Waiting!!!

Crafty!

I dabble in crafts.  Which is to say, I'd love to spend a lot more time doing them but I think beads, threads, cross-stitch patterns, jewelry findings, glue gun, and yarn would probably be obvious at work.  As being not work-related.    


I recently took a glass fusion class and it was a lot of fun (of course, part of that was likely the company of my galpal and also the fact that I took the afternoon off work!).  The pieces came out pretty good for a first try and I thought I'd blog-brag.  (Plus I wanted to write something today but I'm brain dead and this is mostly pictures.  SCORE!)

Swirled dish

Dragonfly Suncatcher

Pendant

There's another pendant piece but I cannot for the life of me get a decent picture of it.  Will probably have to string it and wear it to have a picture.

I'm really pleased with the way they turned out.  Now we just need to move so I can be closer to the studio and make things more often.  Plus, they have a free-martini-and-play-with-glass-evening every week.  What's not to like?

You know you live with a geek if...

• You understand that "weird" is relative.  (And they can be disowned.)
  
• For any given situation there is a Star Wars quote that applies.
  
• For any given situation where a Star Wars quote doesn't really apply, there is a Star Trek quote that will.
  
• Graphic novels are really just comic books.  (But don't ever call them that out loud.)
  
• A Pez dispenser collection is an inexpensive and viable way to get your geek on.
  
• You can threaten to withhold marital favors legally in a game of Dungeons and Dragons.
  
• If you do apply the above, you can also be rightfully accused of metagaming.
  
• You're very sad because you know what metagaming is.
  
• Posting an XKCD comic on your blog should really have been more traumatizing than it was.
  
• You have to admit you don't always understand the XKCD comic because its slanted for math and science.
  
• You then have to admit you understand more of the XKCD math and science comics than you're really comfortable admitting.
• You had to veto the Periodic Table shower curtain because you just knew there'd end up being tests.  In the morning.  While you showered.
• Any song in the known universe can be conjured at will for parody amusement.
• 99.99% of the time that song parody will include a lyric about bacon.
• Subsequently, 100% of the time you will tend to sing the bacon lyric rather than the real lyric.
• You know which of the Star Trek actors have also released musical recordings.
• You own those musical recordings.
• You have a phone app for Magic the Gathering.
• You also have a software program installed for keeping an inventory of your Magic the Gathering cards.
• You realize you have an inordinate amount of Magic the Gathering cards.
• That realization doesn't stop you from buying more.
• Action and/or superhero figures are acceptable gifts for romantic occasions.
• Unicorns, zombies and plush toys are also acceptable gifts for romantic occasions.
• You know ALL the references in the Geek and Gamer girls song.  And you're supposedly not the geek in the household.
• You know all the words to the Geek and Gamer girls song.
• You post the song on your blog.

Science

Not copyright infringement...
just one more reason they rock!
http://xkcd.com/

The time to consider the effects of dropping Alka Seltzer cold medicine tabs into a cup of carbonated lemon water was probably before actually doing it.  Fortunately for me, it appears that I am once again a mistress at science (!), for the carbonation did not exponentially increase (all over my desk).


Speaking of Science, it has come to my attention that I've retained just enough information from my high school Science classes to be able to be incorrect in any given situation.  This is the value of education, folks.

Life and Times

In May I switched jobs at my workplace, primarily in order to be able to work at the field office closer to my home, rather than the corporate office a fair distance away.  (It's still 40 miles' drive but at least I can commute with Mr. Eggshells now.)  As a result, this is the first year in the last four that I haven't been involved in 4th quarter/year end accounting activities at my workplace.  


I have to admit it's a little confusing to be able to take time off at the end of the month if I'd like, or even take time off anywhere in the fourth quarter.  But what's really perplexing is my complete inability to figure out what part of the month I'm in.


Not that it matters...I don't need to know that anymore.  Which is a concept even harder to wrap my head around (ooh, see I have layers!).


This morning I'm clipping coupons and thinking about time.  Mr. Eggshells and I have just come out of a very busy social month (which for us cave-troll types essentially means more than one activity).  This week alone we had four events!  We promised ourselves a day at home today and the freedom to just do whatever takes our fancy.  Now I'm thinking about the day ahead and wondering not how to fill it, but how I can get everything done that I want.  This falls into a familiar theme for me...wanting to know everything and do everything.  Picking and choosing a specific path is really not my forte.  (Which is a really nice way of saying I suspect that I have adult ADHD, except I'm rarely acting like an adult so I'm not sure if that's not a lie.  Sorry.)


Of course, this is the cry of anyone working full-time (and I suspect, even part-time but since I've never really dabbled in that I cannot say for sure).  Unless of course your job is tester of kiddie ball-rooms or silly string that is.  Then your day is likely really cool, and possibly messy.


What this really boils down to is that all those adults who said that time would go by really quickly when you're past your youth were right.  Which kinda sucks.  Because now I'm that adult.


I said nothing about being responsible in any of the above.  I win!


ETA:  OMG I used you're and your in the same sentence!  Correctly!  (Unlike earlier this week when I didn't.  *facepalm*)

iPhone...no, really, I do

My mobile phone was gasping its last digital bytes on Monday.  It had started the death throes on the weekend, randomly changing my theme, tones, and dramatically shutting itself off during my conversations.  Which is different from the usual non-dramatically shutting itself off during my conversations...I can't explain how, but trust me, there's a difference.  By Monday morning, pressing the "Menu" button resulted in exactly...nothing.  Obviously destined to be a paperweight, it was time to look at something new.


Then came the decision-making...was it time for a Smartphone?  We'd been oddly resistant to getting those.  Maybe it's because neither of us lives by our phone, and the most common usage we had was talking to each other during the long commutes.  Since we can do that phoneless now, it's really just for emergencies and the random calls/chats from friends.  We barely text and even the flip phones we've been using had music capability that we just didn't use.


The pro side of the decision included having access to maps/GPS while out and about and the occasional advantage of checking prices on the interwebs.


The clincher was that the iPhone 4S was being released on Friday (today) and the iPhone 3G was free.  SOLD!  We trundled off to the local AT&T Store


At this point I must divulge that something odd happens to us every time we are in this particular store.  I'm not sure if it's because it's usually after a long day of work, or if it's just the ambiance of a lot of townsfolk amidst the cornucopia of technology.  Whatever the case, we run the schtick very well, the banter flowing freely between us and the hapless salesperson struggling to either keep us in line or not pee him/herself from laughter (usually the latter). 


It started when he asked how I used my phone.  Somehow my answer of "to make phone calls" was shocking in this modern day and age, because I was then grilled as to whether or not I listened to music (no), emailed (no), surfed the web (no), yadda yadda.  I then confessed that while I could take pictures, I couldn't find them afterward and that I had call waiting but could never figure out how to take an incoming call while on another one.  Pretty much what I could do was dial the phone, hang it up and play with the volume.


He then asked the most embarrassing question ever.  "What do you do for work?"  (It didn't help that Mr. Eggshells started laughing at the question...he knew what was coming.)


Here was where I had to admit that I worked as a Project Coordinator.  For a company that worked almost exclusively with wireless phone carriers.  For several years now.  Which was preceded by almost fifteen years working in the wireline (regular telephone) industry.


None of this means I would necessarily know how to operate a phone, but honestly...being in the industry for 20 years, and having opposable thumbs, should at least provide the understanding of the basics.


All good salespeople need to school their responses so as not to offend potential sales.  This situation was no different, since he couldn't have any idea how self-deprecating I am or that I don't offer information about myself that could be used to mock me without being prepared for the mock.  He did very well with not responding to that.


But then, I wasn't quite finished.


"I'm also the IT Help Desk."


He couldn't manage to keep the look of incredulity off his face.   I figured in for a penny, in for a pound.  "I'm one of the three most technical people in my company.  I can fix computers and troubleshoot network issues.  I am an expert in Microsoft Office and an above-average user in most other software.  I administrate the project database.  But I cannot for the life of me work a mobile phone."


By now Mr. Eggshells had his hand over his mouth so he didn't scare anyone with his hooting.  The sales guy had no idea how to respond to this, so I told him it's okay to laugh.  Because it is - fortunately I don't feel the need to be defined by my ability to use a phone (thank goodness!).

Phone Bliss

So I am now the happy owner of an iPhone.  I can find my photos, download apps, and make calls.  I've already used the map to get us places and I don't have to think about any of it.  Of course, I haven't figured out a few things, but that's what my husband the manual is for, right?


Which was maybe the problem all along.  I have to know so much in so many other areas of my life, the phone was the straw that tipped the scales (ooh, look at that mixed metaphor there!).  

Breast Cancer Awareness done right!

This makes me happy I have an iPhone now.  


The girls just need a little TLC. (NSFW)